The Osama Tapes (translated)

These audio tapes were retrieved by courageous HT journalists from a remote palace in Saudi Arabia. Analysts surmise that, like Richard Nixon, Osama had his conversations recorded for historic purposes or perhaps for his memoirs.

Tape ObL36045

Unidentified Minion: Boss, the Satanic US has warned its subjects that we may soon attack their electrical infrastructure or water supply through hacking their computers. Is this true?

Osama: I hadn't thought of it, but it's a good idea.

But Boss, we have no computer expertese. Only bomb-making and guerrilla training.

Idiot! I'm filthy rich. I can hire the expertese.

But Boss, the hacker's code... where can you find an un-American hacker?

You talk like an arrogant American... there are genius computer hackers all over the world—China, Korea, Malasia... The Russians would love to pull the tail of the Lion.

Boss, the Lion was the symbol of the British Empire. The US Empire has no such symbol.

All right, then "tug on Superman's cape".

Oh, Boss, who says you have no sense of humor.

Enough. Put out the RFB (request for bid).
[the rest of the tape is mostly minor administrative matters involving funds transfers, executive orders, posthumous commendations for martyrs.]

For reading script of more tapes click on the title above